REPAIR

1) FEELING LIKE A CRIPPLE BECAUSE OF MY SCOLIOSIS.

THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT AFFECTS ME VERY MUCH ANYMORE BUT IT DID MAKE ME FEEL DIFFERENT AND LIKE A CRIPPLE COMPARED TO MY PEERS WHEN I WAS AROUND 14 YEARS OLD.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN LEVEL HEADED AND QUITE A HAPPY GO LUCKY PERSON.
SO EVEN THOUGH THE SITUATION OF BEING DIAGNOSED WITH SCOLIOSIS WAS TOUGH I STILL MANAGED TO KEEP MY HEAD HIGH AND NOT LET IT 'RUIN' MY ADOLESENCE.
I HAD A CUSTOM BACKBRACE MADE WHEN I WAS 15, HARD PLASTIC, LINED WITH SOME HARD SPONGE LOOKING MATERIAL, COVERING MY TORSO STARTING FROM UNDER MY CHEST.
THEY HAD TO CUT HOLES FOR MY HIPS AS THEY WERE QUITE POINTY AND PROMINENT AND WOULD HURT ME EVEN MORE.
I HAD TO WEAR THE BACKBRACE FOR 22 HOURS A DAY FOR TWO YEARS TO FIX MY WONKY SPINE.
THE FIRST DAY WAS THE MOST PAINFUL AND I CRIED ALL DAY EVEN BRINGING MY MUM TO TEARS.
WEARING IT TO SCHOOL I TRIED MY BEST TO COVER IT UP UNDER MY BAGGY CLOTHES AND SKATER SKIRTS WERE ALSO AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO COVER IT.
I DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW.
ONE TIME A BOY WANTED TO POKE ME ON THE BACK (BECAUSE THATS APPARENTLY WHAT BOYS DO) AND HIS REACTION TO MY HARD PLASTIC CASE WAS "HUH WHAT WAS THAT" AND NOT WANTING TO REVEAL OR CONFRONT HIM WITH MY ISSUE I JUST EXPLAINED THAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN THE CHAIR I WAS SITTING ON HE WAS FEELING, HE DIDN'T BUY IT BUT LUCKILY THE TEACHER CONTINUED THE LESSON AND I JUST IGNORED IT.
OTHER TIMES I BECAME ALMOST OUT OF BREATH WHILE WEARING IT AS IT PUSHED IN ON MY LUNGS AND RESTRICTED MY BREATHING, AND IF I GOT NERVOUS DURING A PRESENTATION AT SCHOOL IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO SPEAK NORMALLY WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE I HAD RUN UP A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.

BASICALLY I OVERCAME MY SCOLIOSIS IN THE END BY WEARING THIS BRACE FOR 2 YEARS, BUT THE GOING WAS QUITE TOUGH BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MY PASSED SELF FOR BEING SO STRONG AND GOING THROUGH WITH IT AS NOW I CAN LIVE A OPPERATION FREE LIFE AND I DONT NOTICE MY SCOLIOSIS ALMOST AT ALL ANYMORE :)

2) FEELING INADEQUATE DUE TO LEARNING DISABILITIES.

EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER I'VE HAD TO RECIEVE 'SPECIAL ED' IN MY SCHOOLING. FIRST IT WAS DUE TO MY MOTOR SKILLS, THEN I WAS DIAGOSED WITH DYSLEXIA AND THEN I APARENTLY DIDN'T HAVE DYSLEXIA ANYMORE AND I JUST WAS TOLD THAT I HAD TROUBLES GRASPING CONCEPTS AND MEMORIZING MATERIAL THAT I LEARNT AT SCHOOL. STUDYING FOR EXAMS WAS A SHOT IN THE DARK AS WHEN IT CAME TO THE EXAM I WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN EVERYTHING. BASICALLY I FELT LIKE I COULD NEVER GET ANYTHING RIGHT AND I JUST FELT LIKE A HUGE DITS. MY BEST FRIEND KATE WAS ALWAYS IN THE MORE ADVANCED CLASSES AND I WAS IN THE EXTRA SUPPORT CLASSES. SCHOOL WASN'T A BREEZE AND I ONLY ENJOYED THE ARTS AND USED IT AS MY OUTLET HOWEVER I STILL DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I WAS ANY GOOD AT IT BECAUSE I WASN'T PRECISE OR SKILLED AT ALL, IT WAS JUST AN INTREST OF MINE.
MY PARENTS SPENT 600 EUROS ON MY COGNATIVE REPORT TO FIND OUT HOW WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME AND WHAT AREAS I NEEDED HELP ON WHICH ALSO MADE ME FEEL GUILTY AS IT WAS A LARGE SUM.

THIS INADEQUATE FEELING HAS FOLLOWED ME THROUGHOUT INTO MY ADULT LIFE AND I STILL FEEL LIKE WHAT I DO ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WAS ACCEPTED INTO THE ACADEMY.
ITS A HUGE STRUGGLE FOR ME, I NEED VALIDATION TO FEEL LIKE I'VE DONE A GOOD JOB, AND I FEEL LIKE THATS HARD TO GET SO I JUST CONTINUE TO STRESS AND HATE ON MYSELF AND MY ABILITIES.

I'M WORKING ON IT AND I FEEL LIKE THIS COURSE IS VERY SUPPORTIVE AND THEREFORE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF AND MY WORK.